The July Blahs

I have been an actress now for almost 3 years. It has definitely been a roller coaster ride. Highs and lows and loops and screams and sighs of relief. But it also has been very trying. It’s tough to get up everyday with a “yahhh let’s enjoy not having any auditions or any work!” I left a pretty damn decent paying job to pursue my dream and sometimes I wonder if I need serious therapy. Especially in the summer months when everything wraps and goes quiet. The July Blahs. I have them and they suck. Impatience sets in. But also creativity. Like how to market myself better or researching new classes. Also researching new revenue streams so I can attend those classes. So I’m giving the July Blahs the finger! You should too!

The not demo reel

The joys of the demo reel. A 2 or 3 minute compilation of clips to showcase your awesome acting ability. Every actor needs one. Or do they? I met a guy recently who lives in my building – we kept running into each other in the gym or laundry room and inevitably this led to the “so what do you do?” convo, where we learned we are both pursuing an acting career. He asked if I’d mind taking a look at his demo reel he just put together with the help “from this sick video guy who does this for actors, you should sooo check him out!” He sent me the link and I gave it a watch.

Within 3 seconds I realized this “sick video guy” had led this poor actor astray. This was not a demo reel. This was a montage of weird clips of said actor running along the boardwalk while air punching a la Rocky, then him in a hallway brandishing a very fake-looking gun pretending to be all secret agent as he peered around doorways, then an attempt at a break dancing number…a really bad one ( bending down while screwing up your face and throwing what I guess are gang hand sign attempts is NOT break dancing), and finally a shot of him sitting on a chair and laughing out loud at something funny…maybe realizing he’s been had. In between all this “acting” words would flash across the screen – “committed” and “focused” I managed to read as they flashed pretty quickly. Oh this poor guy.

So now what? I decided to take the honest road and explained that this was not a demo reel and emailed him some examples of actual demo reels as a guideline. (Why hadn’t he done this himself??) I got back a terse “thanks for your input” reply. Haven’t seen him in the gym or laundry room. What can ya do? But it just goes to show you how actors can easily be taken advantage of if they don’t know what they are doing. People everywhere want to sell you their classes, get you to use their headshot services, edit your demo reel and everything in between. But before you hand over your hard earned cash, do yourself a favour and do some RESEARCH. I don’t know how much this “sick video guy” charged for this piece of crap but it was way too much in my opinion.

 

To support or not support

Everyone who has wanted to be an actor has heard someone ask if they are sure about it, if they really think they’ll be successful, is it the right decision, etc. It’s not an easy career to choose. There is no straight line. There is no school course, then internship then a guaranteed job. You do it because you love it and you do it because you have to. Every actor understands that “thing” inside them that propels them forward. And when you have friends and family that believe in you and and support you and your choice, it’s amazing. But among those supporters there are always those people that just don’t get it and think you’re crazy for walking away from that great day job and the security of a regular pay cheque. I mean heck, I even had second thoughts and still do! I see my friends buy that new handbag or take that amazing vacation and I think “shit, have I made a mistake?” It’s human to have doubts. But I get over it pretty darn quickly as soon as I turn on the TV or watch a movie and get filled with that feeling of “I want to do THAT.”

But what do you do when you don’t have supporters or worse you think you have supporters and then learn that they in fact don’t believe in you at all? That happened to me recently and at first I just shrugged it off. But it’s been a few days now and I realize it’s actually bothering me. Not because this person doesn’t support me or believe in me, but the fact that they have been pretending to. They’ve smiled and said congrats when I got an audition, they ask and pretend to be interested in my career progress when they really couldn’t care less. And that sucks. So be in or be out. Believe or don’t believe. Support or don’t support. But don’t fake it. That’s so lame.

Big Kahuna

I don’t know if that’s how you spell kahuna but that’s how I will spell it. Because this is the Big Kahuna. But it comes with an interesting twist. So I have a pretty major audition to prep for. But it didn’t come from my agent. Let me explain. I have an agent. I signed with this agent back in September. And then it was reeeeallly quiet. Things like TIFF and Christmas came along so I understood. But then it was a New Year. I got one or two auditions here and there but mostly from stuff I self-submitted on. I heard “it’s not busy” more than I can count. And I believed that. Why wouldn’t I? I looked at the breakdowns and didn’t see one breakdown suited for me. Made sense.

Then 3 months went by and I thought hmmm…in 7 months I’ve had maybe 3 auditions. So I checked in again. Still slow. I took new headshots, even went to LA and checked out some workshops, came back and still nothing. Got another audition. Then nothing. Knew lots was gearing up, saw production trucks on every downtown street, heard about friends going on auditions…checked in again and didn’t hear back. Called. Nothing. Emailed again and got the standard “it’s really quiet right now. Nothing is happening. The trucks you see are for shows where they cast from the US.” uh-huh.

So I did what any actor would do, I started to shop around for a new rep. Picked my top 3, nothing crazy. A few at a time. See what the consensus was on my materials. Got a call the next day from an agent who happened to be looking for my exact type for a TV show. So my email came at the perfect time.  Could he send me the materials asap and get me on tape? Uhh whattt? I mean YES and AMAZING right? Except, I’m still repped by my current agent and this agent wasn’t offering to rep me, just offering me the shot at this opp and if I got the part, they’d sign me on the spot. Sooo if I don’t get this role, they won’t rep me. And why hadn’t my current agent got me in for this role?

So here I am. This audition is the Big Kahuna. Recurring role on a big TV show. I get it, I also get a new agent. I don’t get it, I keep looking. And THAT my friends, is just how it goes.

Monologues

Things that make you go whaaa?

In my last acting class, my teacher recommended we all have at least one monologue ready to go in case we’re ever asked. So we prepared one from a play we had been using in class. By cutting out other characters lines and joining a few of my lines together I suddenly had a pretty solid dramatic monologue. We rehearsed it in class and my teacher even took me through an agent office scenario where I presented my monologue in a small office space. It was great. But no one ever asked me to perform a monologue. I always got sides. Well except for this time. But never was I asked for my monologue. Made sense – I want to work in film and television. But this evening I received a call for a music video audition. It’s non-speaking. According to the casting assistant or whoever it was that called me, it is rather intense so they need to see acting ability. I’ve been asked to prepare a monologue. Did I mention it’s a non-speaking role? No words will be said. Monologue. I don’t get it. And luckily I have that monologue that I can rehearse…but man I feel bad for the actors that are scrambling as I write this to come up with a monologue they can perform tomorrow. Oh ya, the audition is tomorrow. I had another audition earlier this week for a commercial…I had to pretend to smell something delicious. No monologue needed. This should be interesting.

When worlds collide

day hat, night hat, dream hat

I’m not at the stage where I can give up my day job. It’s more like I need 3 day jobs to support my dream of acting. So I freelance and that’s pretty close to having 3 jobs. It’s good when it’s good but mostly it’s a struggle. I seem to like the struggle. But that’s not what this post is about. Recently I chatted with a company about doing some freelance work and they sent me a nice email explaining that they have a process for working with freelancers. No problem. Step one was to send a cover letter and resume. Check. Step 2 was to watch or read The Secret and fill out a questionnaire. Say what? Now I was raised in a Roman Catholic family so needless to say I am now agnostic. The same applies to any sort of cult-like organizations. I’m all for positivity and making good choices but I tend to draw the line at motivational seminars or the ol hand over your life savings to be part of this exclusive “club” thing. And while I got the general gist of The Secret as it was explained to me briefly by a friend who is actually into it, I looked at it as just another way to get the insecure and lost to jump on a “I’m part of something” bandwagon. So much for my positivity.

BUT I really need the work so I figured, oh just watch the movie, what can it hurt? First of all, people paid to see this in theatres?? Seriously. And secondly, it’s not that bad. Seriously. Maybe I’m at a stage in my life/career where I could use some added help so I looked at it differently but I watched the movie and heard myself say/think “hmmm maybe I’ll give this a shot.” Ya. Seriously. So I mulled what I heard over and while I didn’t go rushing off to try anything crazy, it stayed with me as I went about the rest of my day. That night I chilled out and watched my fave show. As I sat watching it thinking “damn I should be on that show” it occurred to me that hey, this might be something I can utilize what I learned from the movie. So I did what was suggested. I imagined myself through the whole process of auditioning, booking the role to  being on set. It was so real in my mind. I fell asleep in a heavenly dream.

I'm awake!

Next day I filled out the questionnaire for the freelance work and thought back on my delicious dream. I was in a great mood. My day job called and needed my help with an upcoming event. Part of the job was to coordinate with the artist and get their bio, a background on their art and then package it all up nicely for media. I went back and forth with the artist via email and I finally received their bio. Blah blah, blah, artist, blah, blah, show, blah, blah, also work in film. Cool. What does this artist do in film? Oh they direct. Oh and produce. Cooler. Anything I might know? Oh a few shows I’m familiar with and also MY FAVOURITE SHOW. The one I was daydreaming about. The one I would give my 2 eye holes to be on. Well except for the whole blind thing. But what were the odds on that one?!

So what do I do with this information? I have to say something right? Right? For now, I have my day job hat on and am as professional as a, well, professional. I can only imagine the crazy desperados that throw themselves at this person’s feet for a shot to fill jars on the craft table with m&m’s. I do not want to be a crazy desperado. I also do not want this opportunity to pass without this person knowing what my real dream is. Sigh. I AM desperado. I would fill jars with m&m’s. But it would be because I knocked it over reading my script on my way to set. And I’m Canadian. I’d feel bad and probably apologize to everyone.